The Worst Regeneration Ever!
by Stephy-Lou Clark-Weasley
Summary: CrackFic! an new take on the supposed regeneration at the end of Stolen Earth a huge twist. please R


Authors note: I read once that it was possible for the Doctor to regenerate into a woman and I also heard a rumour that Billie Piper was going to be the eleventh or twelfth Doctor

**Authors note: I read once that it was possible for the Doctor to regenerate into a woman and I also heard a rumour that Billie Piper was going to be the eleventh or twelfth Doctor. This is dedicated to my RRA sisters who need a good laugh. **

They hauled him in to the TARDIS, Donna was shouting, Rose looked like she was about to cry as she begged him not to leave her and Jack was ordering them to stand back.

He got up to his feet slowly, Jack muttered something like 'Good Luck' but he wasn't listening all he was thinking was _Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose. _

The regeneration was over and he inhaled sharply. He looked over and beamed "so how do I look?" he pressed a hand against his mouth and looked over to Rose who looked like she was going to faint.

"Oh. My. God!" Donna said her eyes so big that they may fall out any minute.

"Bloody hell" Jack said "I really can't tell you what I'm thinking"

Rose slapped Jack, who cried out in pain while Donna looked like she was going to faint.

"Will you lot just tell me what's happening!" he shouted and then he gasped. He still sounded like Rose.

"Let me get you a mirror Doc" Jack said smirking, taking hold of his hand and pulling him down the wardrobe room. Donna and Rose following – well Rose was but she was dragging a very shocked Donna with her. "Close your eyes" Jack said

The Doctor rolled his eyes before closing them and allowed Jack to move him round the room.

"Now open them" Jack could barely hold the laughter.

The Doctor elbowed him before opening his eyes and let out a yelp when he saw his reflection.

He looked exactly like Rose. No wonder she slapped Jack, no wonder Donna is standing there in shock. Now how the flipping heck was he able to have a relationship with Rose when he now looks like her?

"Oh. My. God" Donna says again….and then she's on the floor cackling away, Jack joining her and Rose staring in absolute horror, probably sharing the same thoughts as he was.

DWDWDWDWDW

After they sorted out the clothes situation (the Doctor had changed his outfit 345 times till he –sorry _she _– settled down on a pair of black trousers and scarlet red camisole and hoodie) and Donna and Jack managed to stop laughing each time they looked at the Doctor they went out to safe the world.

"Where is the Doctor?" the daleks asked

"I am the Doctor" the Doctor said giving them his – _hers_ – Oncoming Storm glare.

And to everyone's surprise all the daleks let out a grated laugh. "No seriously" the red one said "where is the Doctor?"

DWDWDWDWDWDWDW

They had managed to save the world (though it was difficult considering the fact Sarah Jane, Mickey, Jackie and Martha kept laughing each time they glanced at the Doctor's way) and the Doctor began to drop them off home.

"So Doc" Jack said "now you're a woman does that mean I get a chance with you?"

The Doctor growled and then slapped Jack before storming off.

"You could have just said no!" Jack called after him – _her - . _

Martha and Mickey both who had been lusting over Rose and the Doctor couldn't help but feel like justice has been served and set off together swapping stories.

Sarah Jane kept glancing at the Doctor and Rose before offering Rose to come with her. To the Doctor's shock Rose said yes.

"I just need space" Rose said to him – _her _– "it's a bit difficult for me. I love you truly I do but now you look like me…it feels wrong, I need to work things out myself"

So that just left him – _her _– and Donna, who sadly keeps looking at him and cackling insanely.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDW

He – _she_ – groaned. For some reason he – _she _– felt completely gross, like life wasn't worth living and there was not enough chocolate in the universe. He – _she _– got up and immediately ran to the loo. To his – _hers _– horror he – _she _– found blood where blood shouldn't be and screamed.

Donna was still chuckling "crying out loud Doctor you're just on your period" she said handing him – _her _– a bowel of melted chocolate while gorging on a bowel of the stuff herself.

"I feel like shit" he – _she _– whined "as if life is worthless and nothing is right. I feel all over the place"

"Welcome to my world Space-Boy, or shall I say Space-_Girl" _

"I miss Rose" the Doctor sobbed Donna patted his – _hers_ – arm understandingly. Mood swings always got the better of her during her period as well. "Why did she leave me?"

"Because she couldn't stand the idea of shagging herself" Donna said "I know very selfish of her" she added sarcastically.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

He now understood why all his companions took so long to get ready, he understood why Rose always seemed flattered when someone flirted with her, he understood why women seemed to be moody once a month. He now got along better with Donna than normal, he no longer had woman flinging themselves on him and he now saved the world faster and quicker, apparently people listened to him more now.

He finally decided that regenerating into a woman was the best thing he had ever done and he was ready to call himself a she in his head. Overall being a woman was great.

Waking up to find that you took Jack up on his offer however wasn't.


End file.
